Outstreched arm

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Sears' checkout script

Complaining about the checkout line is a cliched rant, so instead of using a lot of adjectives to describe my experience buying underwear at Sears yesterday, I'll just give you the script. Use it as you see fit. Note that I had seen people in front of me go through this, so I was trying to get through it quickly by giving clear, direct answers without saying something obnoxious like "just ring it up and don't bother me with pointless questions".

- Hi, welcome to Sears. How are you doing?
- I'm well.
- Would you like to put this purchase on a Sears Credit Card?
- No, I don't have one.
- Do you have one?
- No.
- Do you know you can save on today's purchase if you get a Sears Credit Card?
- No, thank you.
- Would you like to get one today? [Note that they intentionally failed to interpreted my answer as as "no, and I don't want one."]
- No, thank you.
- That'll be $7. Are you familiar with the Heroes at Home program?
- No.
- Heroes at Home is a Sears program that helps rebuild veterans' homes. [Pause]
- Ok.
- Would you like to donate to Heroes at Home today?
- No.
- OK. Thank you for your purchase.

If you're going to have a script like this, do a favor to yourself and myself and the guy in front of me who can't speak English so he's confused and frightened about all these questions you're asking: put in a self-checkout line.

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