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Saturday, January 06, 2007

Kashi GoLean Crunch! is the greatest cereal in the world

It's rare that I proclaim a single product THE best in its category. When I do it, I probably change my mind in a matter of days, so that kind of strong opinion doesn't count. But this one does; I've held it for a long time, and I'll bet money on it (if there is a market for bets on these things).

Kashi GoLean Crunch! is the greatest breakfast cereal in the world.

I know, I know. You're probably thinking one of two things: what the heck does that mean, "greatest", or, you're not talking about that hippie organic crap, are you? I am, but let's get to the first point first.

You may prefer a different kind of cereal, or you may like another brand for personal reasons, but I think that my evaluation of Crunch! (and it's the only product that deserves its exclamation point through and through) is as rational and reliable as that of a wine connoisseur who tells you that hey, no matter what you "prefer", White Zin is totally balls. I'm not going to pursue the analogy any further because I lack the expertise both as a wine reviewer and a cereal reviewer, so, in short, assume that I'm right and hear me out.

My ideal cereal should satisfy the following conditions (these were arrived at before Crunch! entered and subsequently rocked my world):

1. It should be crunchy, as in "not soggy." It should start out this way and get just juicy enough to eat, but never mushy or fall-aparty.
2. The flavor should be free or weird, overpowering, de-cerealizing tones such as bubblegum-like fruit and sweet chocolate.
3. It should have a varied texture, falling within and covering fully a strict range from medium-small to medium-large: no dusty powder on the bottom of the bag, no eerily uniform tiny pieces (I'm looking at you, Cheerios), no giant ones (sorry, Chex). It should feature twigs, squares, clusters, mega-clusters, and each spoonful should be perfect.
4. It should be sweetened, but not dessert-sweet. Grain-friendly flavors like honey and almond are welcome.
5. It should be packed with nutritional desirables (protein, fiber) and low on sugar, sodium, and fat.

There we go. Now, if after seeing (and devouring) Crunch! you go, heeeey, that list sounds like a post-hoc description of this Kashi stuff, well, what can I say. I can say, "no, that's always been my golden standard."

And as for the hippie factor, look, it's advertised as a health food. Duh, it's cereal. But it costs $2.50-$3.00 for a 15 oz box in most places. It doesn't claim to contain ginseng, witch hazel, dragon's breath, and it's not Level-five vegan. It doesn't even have a bearded prospector on the label. You can buy it, it's ok. Tell them I said so.

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There are 1 Comments:

Blogger clunkygirl said...

You should definitely give Go Lean! a try - it's delicious with some dried cranberries or raisins thrown in.

10:02 AM  

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