The Twelve Steps

Hey, you know what I like? House. You know what else I like? Spiritualized. And Sly Stone's tortured, self-conscious-druggie days. I'm thinking maybe I was an addict of some sort in a past life.

Last night's "rehab episode" of House reminded me of Spiritualized's "rehab song". I'm a fool and a knave for trying to convey the kickassedness of a driving rock tune on a blog, but go listen to it on iTunes or something. Or just read the lyrics and imagine them delivered by a punky, energetic British dude over a pumping beat and bassline covered with a mess of feedback, roaring guitars, blues harmonica, cinematic strings, and EMT sirens. Ready?

The Twelve Steps

If you’ve got the money for a rehab cure
You ain’t got a problem you can’t afford
I was very nearly clean y’know
Cos I only had twelve steps to go

The only time I’m drink and drug free
Is when I don’t have to pay for what I need
That’s rare indeed

If your willpower’s weak, temptation’s strong
Lord knows how you’re gonna get along
And the worst thing about your kind of disease
Is you know who can charge whatever she pleases?

It's 28 days for 13 grand
Better go get myself an insurance plan
Cos she’s my man

I ain’t got to where I’m going to
By hanging ‘round with people like you
But then again I ain’t never got
Anywhere I wanted to get to

I ain’t got to where I’m going to
By hanging ‘round with people ain’t my friends
But then again I ain’t never got
Anywhere I wanted in the end

If you got the money for me how come
You ain't got a problem you can't afford
I was very nearly clean y’know
Cos I only had twelve steps to go

The only time I’m drink and drug free
Is when I get my drugs and drink for free
That’s for me

If your willpower’s weak, temptation’s strong
Lord knows how you’re gonna get along
And I don’t think I’m gonna find Jesus Christ
So I’d rather spend my cash on vice

28 days for 13 grand
Better go get myself an insurance plan
Cos she’s my man

Do some knitting, get some rest
Group therapy gets me depressed
You might get banned if you relapse
They’ll take you back when you got some cash

You're just as likely to find inner peace
By buying your stuff from off the street,
C’mon, C’mon

1 – Kill the fun
2 – Ain’t got a clue
3 – Get in your tree
4 – Get out the door
5 – Get a life
6 – Aha Y’know?
7 – Remember 6
8 – Fuck being straight
9 – Get in your bed
10 – In bed again
11 – In bed again
12 – Go back to 1 and start, start all over again

What do iTunes star ratings mean to you?

Rating things on a five-point scale is never easy, yet it's a system convenient enough that film critics, wine connoisseurs, and Rolling Stones all over the world use it. Here's what I mean when I rate songs in iTunes (this also applies to rating photos in iPhoto and similar systems):

[no rating]    I never got around to rating this song, or I haven't made up my mind yet. This should be looked into.

There is something wrong with this song. It's terrible, or the file is broken, or the tags are wrong, or it's some 45-minute experimental piece. In any case, I don't want it to shuffle on or show up in my playlists and I should look into why it's in my library at all.

This is a bearable song. I don't hate it; if it comes on, I'll likely skip it, but it's basically earned its stay in my music library.

This is a good song. I want to hear it here and there even if it's not exactly a favorite.

This song is sweet. I want to hear it frequently and it's very unlikely that I'll skip it or remove it. (Note: songs often flip between three and four stars)

This is a classic. It's either a masterpiece or a track very dear to me. I want to hear it, but careful with it - it may play too often. This should be used sparingly.