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Here's the thing: A History of Violence really wasn't all that. It had some interesting scenes but overall it felt like the comic book it was. This is why I went to see Eastern Promises cautiously optimistic.

And hey, it was pretty damn good. It's not a very deep "analysis" of the Russian crime web, and it's not terribly insightful. But it has a solid story, it's economic with its characters and sets, and it lets Viggo shine. It's surprising how "small" the whole thing feels, actually. MY memory of it places all the happenings in two or three rainy days, a few brief encounters, and a mild dose of Godfatherish paternizing by calmly threatening father-figures. No biggie. Fun.

P.S. I still don't get the title "Eastern Promises". I'll feel really stupid when someone explains it to me, I know.

Killer of Sheep is, alas, no classic

I really don't want to be mean to Charles Burnett's Killer of Sheep. I don't hold a grudge against the movie; it didn't upset or offend me. But even if the hype hadn't been so hyped, and even if the expectations hadn't been so high, the movie would've done the same to me: bored me to death.

It's a detached, semi-documentary depiction of life in the Watts in the late 70s. That's about all that's clear about it. It proceeds as a mix of student-film footage, complete with entire scenes set to soul and jazz standards, and very clumsily scripted, acted, and directed vignettes which aim to capture the lives of honest folk in an unfair world. The aim is sincere, but it misses the mark of realism - and most of the time, it misses the targeted emotional impact as well. The student-filminess brings that charming naiveté to many of the setups, and the grainy, muddy photography is often touching; however, it's just as often dull and needlessly opaque.

What all this reminded me of the most is Scorsese's Who's That Knocking At My Door, another amateurish film bursting with developing talent and riddled with cringing mistakes. Killer of Sheep is an important document, in many ways. But it's a sheep in a feature length's movie skin, and as such, it's barely competent, let alone impressive.

Mini-review of "Fracture"

Fracture had a really cheesy script and poor Anthony Hokpins gets to play, like, Hannibal Lecter Lite(tm), but there's a lot to like about it too. Some of the smaller scenes are really well done, and Ryan Gosling rolls in with his Half-Nelson hangover and steals the heck out of the movie.

By the way, Gosling's vulnerable confidence (or what do you call it? Casual weltschmertz?) may get old very soon, but right now it's a very enjoyable new piece of acting.

The Lives of Others is captivating

Ever since Dana Stevens called the excellent German movie The Lives of Others "the best surveillance movie since The Conversation" my cognitive muscle has been itching to see it. Coppola's The Conversation, its inspiration, Antonioni's Blow-Up, and another homage, De Palma's Blow Out are a fascinating trio of films about Hitchcockian characters who find themselves entangled in something more than their obsessive, nerdy natures are prepared for. Watch them back to back, starting with Coppola, who puts together a minimalist character study; move on to De Palma's entertaining bit of film-student/slasher/audio geek nerdvana, and end with Antonioni's post-everything meta-trip. Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck's - don't you just love that name? - The Lives of Others would make a decent addition, but it's a different movie: political and psychological to a degree none of the above three gets into.

I can't add much to Dana Stevens' excellent summary and notes, so go read it. The film is quite expertly done, with that effortless European gravitas. It's not afraid to go big when the themes warrant it - you just know a shot of crying over a piano piece would seem cheap in a Hollywood flick. Not here - Germans are known for holding back their emotions when they probably shouldn't, so showing them works better than expected. Even the last scene's triple pun is endlessly likable.

Pan's Labyrinth is a ridiculously dumb movie

I love a good fairy tale, and I love FX fests even if the visual candy comes at the expense of storyline, acting, and plain old sense-making (I'm looking at you, Argento, you goofball). Gritty, realistic dramas often purposefully dumb down the visuals to play up the story, so visually-centered films should be able to mirror that and grungify the narrative. I mean, look at Antonioni.

But wait, none of this has anything to do with Guillermo del Toro's Pan's Labyrinth. The previews sure made it seem like a fantastic extravaganza of fauns, fairies, labyrinths, and, umm, ok miscellaneous other magical entities and settings. Not only is it not that; it's dumb, bewildering, frustrating, and entirely devoid of wonder.

It features two story lines: in the real world - Spain, 1944 - a remarkably unremarkable girl called Ofelia moves with her pregnant mother to a military outpost in the woods, run by The Captain (of general Franco's Generic Sadistic Assholes forces). Ofelia attempts to escape the harsh realities of World War II by fantasizing away into a labyrinth - I mean a book - I mean a door in her wall - oh what the hell, just arbitrary fairy tale locations. We are treated to a few brief (and disjointed) excursions to this underworld, which make up some sort of series of tasks for Ofelia, though the rules and motivations behind it all are, shall we say, hazy.

That's it for the magic - really. She gets a key from a toad, a knife from behind a lock, and eats grapes she was clearly instructed not to touch, a pointless rebellion for which she gets chased by a cool-looking but ultimately harmless geriatric monster. Lesson learned?

A good eighty percent of the movie, however, consists of The Captain dealing with resistance fighters in the nearby woods while announcing menacingly at every occasion his intent to merely harvest Ofelia's mother for a proud male offspring. As muddy a villain as he is, The Captain is played with gusto, and del Toro's background in horror film comes out quite clearly here. Scenes of physical and psychological violence are imagined masterfully and rendered in exquisite detail. Scenes of normal human interaction and all attempts at levity - eh, not so much.

It breaks down like this: most of the movie is a depressing, emotionally and historically childish war story full of plot holes. The little bits of fantasy are more confusing than enchanting; too short to have an effect, too arbitrary and too removed from the rest of the movie's world to even register emotionally. Remember how in Wizard of Oz the fantasy mirrored the real world? That was a tad cheesy, but it worked like gangbusters. There's not even an attempt at connecting anything in Pan's Labyrinth - really, if you can find some analogy, metaphor, or message here, do let me know.

Also, I'm not trying to spoil anything, but don't bring kids to this one - the ending is just awful, and not because this is an "adult fairy tale." (shame on you, Ebert). Oh no, adults should hate it too, for much deeper reasons.

What a failure. It's a very oddly executed movie, ranging in badness from lame to dumb to offensive, but mostly it's just silly, and not likeably so. For god's sake, there's very little Pan and NO labyrinth in Pan's Labyrinth. Yeesh.

P.S. Christa pointed out that perhaps there was an attempt at a parallel between The Captain's "just following orders", as described by The Doctor, and Ofelia's refusal to do so. If so, it's an appropriately clownish link. The Captain does not seem to be following any orders. He's a free-spirited villain, "with no one above him." And if you've seen the movie, remember Ofelia's prize for not obeying the evil - I mean good - I mean evil - faun? Yeesh again.

Ugliest DVD menu ever?

The Navigator is a genuinely original and entertaining movie coming to us from New Zealand. It's a time travel fantasy that wastes no time on paradoxes, philosophy, or cautionary messages - it uses its premise much like Stephen King did in his best days, as a springboard ex machina (King's worst moments are those in which he attempts to "tie it all together". The man is (was?) good at conveying and terrible at synthesis.)

So, given the choice between Netflixing this and making turtle soup, I recommend The Navigator wholeheartedly. Netflixing is probably the only way you'll ever get it, and when you do, do yourself a favor of clicking hastily through the menu. Or perhaps invite some friends over and have a good, bonding laugh.

Here it is:


Keep in mind, this is not some indie film student or Warhammer fan production. The DVD transfer is atrocious overall, but to create that menu took a lack of taste unmatched since the Commodore 64 couldn't do any better (if you were really lazy and could live with yourself after creating such a monstrosity).